Categories
Mindset

What is Ego? How to find your true self?

Dear Visitors, 

Today I want to share and know  your thoughts on Ego.

Let’s start off with briefly exploring what is ego? – maybe your familiar with term but foreign to what it is and how it is formed?

Ego is state that has been developed by us through our thoughts and empty earlier experiences. Once we can agree that ego is the general opinion you have of yourself, or the idea you hold in your mind, when you think about what makes you: You.  Often rooted in the labels we’ve attached to ourselves or the labels we’ve let society determine.

I’m smart, I’m thin, I’m fat, I’m beautiful etc.

Sometimes, it might have been formed from past trauma, or even past pleasures. It may recede and flow with your emotions or spiritual energy in any given time or place.

“Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.”
– Diana Black

Back in the early 1900s, Freud an Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis (1856-1939) formed a theory of personality and proposed that our psyche (mainly referred to our personality) isn’t made up of any one thing. In fact, according to Freud, our personality has three foundational elements: Our id – which is the earlier part of our memory; derives instinctual behaviours and desires, like sex, aggressiveness and hidden memories; others part are our ego and our superego.

Let’s break that down.

In the field of psychology, the id is the unconscious part of your psyche that’s made up of components you might have inherited or learned via basic human instinct. It correlates directly with your immediate needs and urges. For example, a brand-new infant baby is pretty much 100 per cent reliant on primary carers (parents). Comfort from her parents? Food when he’s hungry? That’s all their little selves are focused on – their primary needs.

They have yet to develop any desire for nice clothes or a big bank account – that’s the ego.

Your ego is an idea, an opinion, a fleeting thought in your journey towards self-actualisation. Ego can also be referred as the reality principle, a percieved perception of self, your own thought, value, image of how you see YOU.

Whereas the superego is moral conscience (right and wrong). Your ego stands between you and the clarity you desire to see and be the real you. In his own words, Freud called the ego “the representative of the outer world to the id.”

In Freud’s theory, the ego represents and symbolises a separate sense of reality layered onto the id. The id goes internal and looks inward, based on human instinct and desire. The ego looks outward and perceives the so-called “real world” and layers that back onto you.

An example of this would be the Id desiring a job to meet its basic human needs, the ego then assess the reality – and quizzes you to determine whether you are worthy – suitable- for this job (based on the opinions and thoughts you have on yourself). Followed by the super-ego which takes the moral approach, ‘yes, you should work to up keep yourself, no you shouldn’t – you can seek benefits or help from your family etc.

But here’s the big, transformative shift in understanding that you’ll receive when you begin to study the ego: The ego does not differentiate itself from the id! They become intertwined.

Now the id has formed the need to become reliant (using the example above) on others and doesn’t feel the need to work – hence, the ego (clarity approach) has justified this by the thoughts and opinions formed on this matter. Therefore, both id and ego are now interwind, making the job of the superego harder, tangling you in sticky web.

Love is happy when it is able to give something,” said Osho, “and the ego is happy when it is able to take something” (psychology.com).

This give-and-take nature between the real Self and the ego — light and darkness; unity with love or unity with lack; recognising your Self in others, or creating false divisions between you and those around you — is such a universal part of our perceived reality that we often never stop to question the thoughts in our mind, or the cravings in our soul.

To find your true Self, you must first let go of your false self. This starts with understanding what ego is, in order to begin to release the grip that ego has on you, and that you have on your ego.

In our search for peace and true, for true inner contentment- that is EXACTLY what we should be doing. We must all start to question our sense of self, our claims of ownership, our desire for more stuff or more money or more of whatever it is that you think makes you, YOU.

Watch Deepak Chopra’s video on learning how to find your true self.

Hope this article helps you to take a step back and ask your self some important question about your true self – Who are you?  What is your purpose? What do you want? Why do want it?

Peace and Blessings

Salma@inharmony

Self-Reforming Programme

 

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Categories
Mindset

How to Win Friends & Influence People?

Dear Readers,
Today’s topic is ‘how to win friends and influence people’?

We are social creatures and crave love and attention from one another, so how can we Win Friends and Influence People at the same time?

In my humble opinion and from my personal experiences I found, even in my most vulnerable times, I was blessed with a good network of people who lifted my spirits and were there for me.

Later I was told that even though I was ‘VULNERABLE‘ I was always ‘AUTHENTIC‘.

My situation was what it was, I didn’t need to sugar coat it or broadcast it. People in my network saw my grieve and despair. They longed to help but at the same time respected and accepted my decision of being in the situation I was in, they respected my strength and admired my courage and appreciated my decisions to give it all to my situation to make my marriage work then, whether they agreed with it or not.

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state, being vulnerable means being open, for wounding but for also a pleasure. Being open to wounds means being open to lifes bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it’s your greatest asset. Be vulnerable quake and shake your boots with it. The new goods that are coming to you, in the form of people and situations and things that can only come to you when you’re vulnerable i.e open” – Stephen Russell 

I realised,  how lucky I was to have amazing people that admired me and chose to stay with me even though I was vulnerable but because I was ‘Authentic’, I didn’t glamour my life, I showed my pain and my strength at the same time, which influenced people to see the real me and gave them courage to handle their situations ‘authentically’.

How are you going to be Vulnerable and Authentic at the same time?

Surprise yourself!  You may win new friends and influence them at the same time!

To your best life

Salma@inharmony

PS: There are many self-help books, but I found this one that I felt literally talked to me!

This book made a huge impact on me and changed my interaction with people in the personal and professional context.

 

Categories
Mindset Mindset

The Benefits of Showing Gratitude

Hello Lovely Ladies

Hope your feeling the optimism I am feeling about 2020.

Today I wanted to remind you of the importance of feeling and showing Gratitude.

What is Gratitude?

I perceive Gratitude as a form of a universal human act. That if practice often enough, can bring you true prosperity and tranquillity.

I also see it as a half glass full situation as oppose to half empty, relating back to the mindset theory; a positive mindset  and having hope.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”  – Epicurus

If we concentrate on all the things we have oppose to what we don’t, how do you think this would make you feel?

I’m guessing a sense of feeling satisfaction and peace within.

By keeping a six-minute diary to record all your feelings, optimisms and gratitude, get you into the habit of keeping positive!

Research shows by recording positive messages induces positive and powerful habits into your everyday life!

  • Helps you FOCUS on PROGRESS & THE GOOD THINGS in life
  • By doing  MORE WITH LESS. Use doable portions of 3 minutes in the morning and 3 in the evening to focus on what matters most to you and move towards the right direction – continuously and proactively!
  • The six minute diary is MUCH MORE THAN JUST A DIARY – 70-page INTRODUCTION: concrete implementation strategies, striking real-life examples & tips on how to get the most out of your diary. 220-page DIARY: your daily, weekly and monthly routines + space for your notes – all aimed at discovering what matters most to you and live a life where you feel truly fulfilled!

Owning this little book at the start of a new decade will help you start your own AMAZING positive journey!

I’ll leave you to ponder over this thought and lets be grateful for all the good we have and all the bad experience we faced (as they were lessons we needed to learn – in order to grow and prosper).

The universe has a unique way of showing us what we need and not what we want in order to grow and develop into our best selves.

Time to let go of bad baggage and move forward with new profound, thoughts and goals.

                            Here I come 2020!

         I will strive to be the best and succeed in my goals.

Hope you’ve had a chance to reflect and decide what you will leave behind and what you will take forward.

If not watch this beautiful reminder of how to set your goals in 2020 by Jack Canfield.

Peace and Blessings

Salma@In-harmony

Categories
Mindset Mindset

How to Overcome Adversity

Having a Hopeful Mindset 

Following on from my previous article about creating goals, there’s no question about it: You will be challenged. Whether you’re pressing forward towards a goal that’s personal or professional,  Adversity will encounter obstacles, people who say that you can’t achieve this, and even physical limitations like lack of money or lack of time.

However, having a hopeful mindset helps one overcome adversity!

 

Dont Lose Hope

Adversity

Whatever adversity you face or are about to face, know that truly confident, successful people have created habits that empower them to hold on to a mindset and a perspective that lets them overcome. To achieve, in spite of incredible odds against them. To hit their targets, even when they’re told they cannot. To manifest, even when there’s doubt. This is a part of the commitment mindset that I discussed in the last post: How to Develop a Successful Mindset.

The single most important factor influencing a person’s success — whether personal or professional — is mindset,” reports Karima Mariama-Arthur in Entrepreneur magazine.

“What you think about consistently has a direct impact on your behaviour, and not the other way around. So, it’s important to get this fundamental ingredient right.”

“No matter what goal you seek to achieve, the path to your success is bound to include some degree of adversity,”

warns Mariama-Arthur. “If you want to get through the rough patches, however, you will need to develop thick skin and learn to face each challenge head on”.

This is where mindset plays a critical role. Adversity tests one’s mettle to the core. After facing an extreme hardship, a person may feel justified in succumbing to defeat. For them, it can feel like an easy road. Yet, the capacity to move through the fire, get knocked down and not knocked out, is a true testament to the power of a resilient mindset.” It’s time to engage in mindset habits that allow you to increase your personal resilience and overcome whatever challenges come your way.

Character Strength

In a study published in the Journal of Personality research journal, researchers and psychologists from George Mason University analyses nearly 800 people from more than 40 different countries.

The goal of the study was to look at seven different common character strengths to identity which character strengths and traits predicted higher resilience to life’s challenges.

The results were fascinating. “At five points over the course of one year, participants completed a series of questionnaires measuring seven personality strengths (hope, grit, meaning in life, curiosity, gratitude, control beliefs, and use of strengths), subjective well-being, and frequency and severity of negative life events,” reports the journal.

Negative life events including things like job loss, serious conflict, disappointment, illness, etc. “Using hierarchical linear modelling with assessment periods nested within participants, results from lagged analyses found that only hope emerged as a resilience factor,” concluded the study. “Hope, the ability to generate routes to reach goals and the motivation to use those routes, was shown to be particularly important in promoting resilience.”

 

Reflect your hopes

Hopeful Mindset Habit

So, what can you do to develop a hopeful mindset habit?

Have Confident! successful people recognise how hopeful mindset habits help them overcome challenges. They didn’t need this study to tell them this, but it can be eye-opening to those of us who have never considered the power of hope in this way.

With this type of mindset, a few things happen:

You pursue your goals with energy and positively, knowing that there may be different paths to get to what you want.

When you see through a hopeful mindset, and embrace the “many paths” approach, you are less likely to self-identify with any single path and are thus protected from disappointment when that one path doesn’t work out the way you intended.

If you hit a challenge or obstacle, these obstacles don’t loom as big as they usually do because you’ve cultivated a hopeful mindset that sees all the OTHER paths you could take, and not the one path that’s blocked.

Your view of blocks and failures then also changes; before, a failure meant missing the goal completely. Now, it means you simply must adapt and be flexible in achieving the goal another way

According to the study, hope isn’t some wishy washy, touchy feely idea. No, it’s a concrete and tangible mindset habit. In the study, hope was identified NOT as optimism or “hoping for the best.” Rather, hope was identified as positive, goal-oriented motivation.

Conclusion

This mindset, when it becomes a daily, hopeful habit, then results in more positive energy, more creative problem solving, and a more balanced outlook on life which feeds into your confidence and success. So, what is there to lose but to have hope. Hopefully this article has been able to emphasise the importance of having a strong mindset in times of adversity, thus, leads to building a strengthening character.

Hope

Peace and Blessings

Salma@In-Harmony

Way to Wealth

Categories
Confidence Mindset

Women- Slow down and Be Kind to Your Body

Research shows that middle age women are more likely to get stressed easily in comparison to their counterpart (men). This can be due to various factors, like managing different roles in life: changes in lifestyle: relationships (new and old): children growing up and leaving, and to add to the list: menopause. Leaving middle-aged women feeling frazzled and alone. Us women, wear so many hats and are constantly juggling family, careers, and relationships; we are trying to be superheroes for others, constantly trying our best not to let our loved ones down. However, our bodies aren’t designed to take on too much physical nor mental strain. We are designed to be loved and cared for.

And who’s the better person to do that, than yourself.

As we all know that stress in middle age can lead to fatal diseases and illnesses, and it is one of the biggest causes to cardio vascular attacks, causing strokes and panic attacks (which can be worse than heart attacks) I stress this more as our body’s are slowing down naturally due to aging process. This we must acknowledge and align our lifestyles to the ability of our bodies. Watch out for the symptoms of stress:

  • Eating too much too less
  • Feeling fatigue
  • Feeling emotional
  • Feeling overtired
  • Feeling low
  • Insomnia

Even after taking care of your health, If any of these feelings persist, immediately seek medical advice.

Taking more than what our body can handle can lead to stress and anxiety. Hence, keeping an overall eye on our mental and physical health and well-being can lead to quality life.

Just slow down and take a break. Be kind to your body. All will get done if you are in 100% optimum health.

Peace and Blessings

Salma@In-Harmony

Categories
Mindset

What is the true Purpose of your Life?

CAN YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS FOR ME?
  • Are you truly living the life your were meant to live?
  • Are you doing what your meant to be doing?
  • Does your job give you satisfaction?
  • Are you Happy?

The reason why I ask you these questions is that no one ever asked me for decades of my life: what my true purpose was, and what I should be doing.

Many of us women can resonate to this, as we have been the primary carers and responsible for raising and caring for our families, hence the career and jobs were never meant to be something that we thought should be aligned with our values.

I found myself searching answers for these questions, as many of the jobs and careers I did before teaching and coaching, I was solely doing to provide for my family.

The main focus was; if the job gave me the flexibility to have a good work life-balance, which was very important to me at the time whilst my children were growing up.
But it is equally important to do what you are meant to do and enjoy your job/career/profession as most of our life is spent working. Therefore, this should not seem like work but like a hobby. As the saying goes- do the job that comes easy to you like breathing and you enjoy.

Have a look at the free online course offered by the world GREATEST coach TONY ROBBINS and his associates Dean Graziosi to help you untangle who you are and what your purpose is. It’s FREE so don’t hesitate just click on the image and become transformed!

I have been following Tony Robbins for years now and his speeches, courses always Blow me; Have faith and take a LEAP and become Transformed.

I can honestly say that I love what I am doing, writing post, coaching women teaching ESL/EFLto home and foriegn students, gives me soo much satisfaction that now work doesn’t seem like work.

If you have this then many congratulations!

Keep going.

If not then you need to re-evaluate your career and ask yourself the questions above.

I know for a fact that you’re good at something, you’re passionate about something and that there are people out there who would pay to know what you know!

Because of Tim McKinlay I was Courageous and took a leap of faith and invested in myself- you can do it too!

 

I truly believe that you have knowledge, expertise or a skill inside of you that the world needs!

So if you were to unpackage that wisdom and get paid to share it, what would you choose to share?

See how I got to make my own website and started this venture.

Let me know in the comments

I’m dying to know!

Peace and Blessings

Salma@In-Harmony

PS: Watch in the meantime watch the video below by Marisa Peer on how to achieve your dream life.